Really—why did Santa leave?
It‘s true; Santa‘s absconded. He‘s gone. (See, "Why Santa Took Off the Cowboy Boots", previous post, this blog).
Execs at GM and Chrysler realized this sometime around midnight Sunday (March 29,2009) when they expected to hear him shinnying down the chimney with another $22 billion in his sack.
Instead, GM‘s CEO Rick Waggoner‘s walking papers bounced down the chimney like a lump of very hard coal, caromed off the grate, and slid into the stocking Waggoner had left hanging by the chimney with care. Waggoner is now looking for work.
Chrsyler‘s CEO Robert Nardelli seems to have squeaked by with nothing more than a empty stocking (relatively speaking; Chrysler actually got another $6 billion and 30 days to shape up and complete a merger with Italy‘s Fiat or they‘ll be shipping out for sure in a forced bankruptcy. UPDATE: Chrysler reported reaching a deal with Fiat on Monday within hours after Washington issued the ultimatum).
Who would have thought? Just a few months back it seemed Washington was Detroit‘s Santa Claus for sure; but in fact I think we got it right in the previous post: Santa‘s no match for the USA‘s free wheeling cowboy economy.
So with what is left of his reputation in hand, word was he may have run for part‘s unknown. Who wouldn‘t be concerned with getting away before every boy and girl in the world came to think that everyday was Christmas; and that Wiis and X-Boxes now belonged in Cracker Jacks boxes because big fat bank accounts making video games seem like trinkets were the new Christmas goody to be handed out; and these had nothing to do with being good; in fact, the badder you were—with other people‘s money, anyway—the more Christmas cash you could get in January, June, or July, or any other month of the year? But now…?
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus; he is just not spending much time right here right now. Last seen landing in Amsterdam, we can‘t be sure the Dutch let him stay. Worried about ING asking for more money, the Dutch didn‘t want to get too close to the fat jolly fellow until his stained reputation as a front for Wall Street with an office in Washington could be rehabilitated.
Santa assured them he had discarded the cowboy boots; that in fact he had been snookered into wearing them in the first place; that he much preferred the reindeer and elves to cattle and cowboys; that he disowned all affiliation with the American cowboy economy.
But the Dutch are a hardheaded lot. So it may be that due to unease in the Netherlands Santa will just head back to his digs at the North Pole and stay there out of sight until December 24th rolls around. And then maybe he‘ll return to work but stick to kids and candy and stay out of high finance and big business.
What this means, of course, is that GM and Chrysler will just have to prove to Washington‘s satisfaction that they can be profitable somewhere down the road without frequent visits from Santa.
Anyone see a problem here? "Washington" and "profitable" in the same sentence equates with gobbledygook; they are as alien to each other as pro wrestling is to competition.
So the obvious question surfaces like flotsam from an overflowing storm drain: did Santa really leave Washington on his own or was he spirited away by Secret Service on instructions from the White House getting advice from Treasury: get that dude out of here so we can salvage something from the AIG debacle in the mind of the public by coming down hard on GM and Chrysler?
In fact, "The moves [to demand more of GM and Chrysler] also reflect growing criticism of government bailouts," one source notes.
Another adds, "The Obama administration, perhaps reflecting public sentiment outside Michigan, has shown less patience with the auto industry than with other troubled sectors."
But why?
Well, some think that Washington wouldn‘t know a real profit from a pencil because politics assumes compromise based on polls, pork, and promises with the nearest thing to a profit being the next election with a return to office.
So Santa, right now you are a liability, a drag on the campaign trail. Sorry, Big Guy. That red is just too noticeable; and the beard—a dead giveaway. Later, dude…
The point is politics is at work as usual in Washington in the guise of greater accountability. One wonders why if Washington now is willing to let the automakers slide into bankruptcy to insure future profitability, they didn‘t apply the same firmness to the financial sector. The difference seems deeper—or should I say shallower—than ideology or party affiliation, as if a Republican versus Democrat thing; it seems rather that the earlier giveaways to the finance guys were as political as are the current takeaways (a euphemism for giving less) from the auto guys, which simply means that everyone had, and now has, votes in view. The firestorm stirred among the voters by the AIG bonus boondoggle sealed the automaker‘s fate.
And Santa‘s fate, too. The idle chatter is we just cannot have the guy around attracting more attention to the cash cow roaming free in D.C.
Why, everyone will be queuing up with their hands out. "Please sir, may I have some more?" is a phrase best left buried in a Dickens‘ book where it belongs—on a dusty shelf in the deepest recesses of a book depository in London, if at all possible. Heavens! It is just too risky to remind folk that Oliver Twist‘s Fagin might have invented AIG had he lived long enough; and A Christmas Carol‘s Scrooge surely would have held a majority share in the firm. It is just best that morality plays be left to kiddies and Christmases.
But there goes Santa, too: an upright, outstanding, moral guy become a symbol of Washington handouts using taxpayer money to cover losses driven by Wall Street‘s greed and Detroit‘s ineptness. Not cool, man; not cool. Even if Washington politics have no more to do with morals than profits, they have everything to do with the polls. Which means Santa has to go…
It has nothing to do with who you really are, Bro; but everything with what you remind us of. If these latest signals from the White House ring true, Christmas may be un-PC in Washington for quite some time to come.
Let us hope so.
Peace, Big Guy! By the way, red is your color. Green is just…well, you know.
"Now Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
